Induction

Going to the hospital tomorrow. Going to be induced on Wednesday though. Doctor just thinks it's time, and of course I couldn't agree more lol. Plus, since Michael has a 6 week course in the military coming up in April, I will need him the 10 days he gets from maternity leave. Especially if I have a c-section and/or post partum depression. My husbands birthday is tomorrow too. Michael and I will be updating my twitter account during the "active" hours of labor and delivery. So, click here to check out updates. For those of you who are not computer, or internet savvy, you do NOT have to sign up to view updates. It's just like this website is, you can view without signing up. We are doing this, so we don't have to call so many people. Will of course call once she is born, but this is to update you on labor progression.

Wish us luck, and please keep us in your prayers. If clicking on the link does not work, copy and paste this link http://twitter.com/emilygribble

37 weeks

It's been quite some time since I updated. I've just been overwhelmed. SO much to do, so much going on, so little time. I've not been feeling too hot the last week or so. My stomach has been upset, I get nausea, no sleep ( mainly due to being uncomfortable, and just overall fear of being a first time mom.

at my appt last week, we had an ultrasound, just to check and see if baby was head down, and estimate how much she weighs. She is already estimated to weigh 7 pounds and some oz. Kinda big, but rather her be big than too small. And she is head down, which I already knew, because I can feel it lol. We did a non stress stress as well, and did fine with that, other than the fact she wouldn't let us get a good reading. She does NOT like being pushed on and will move constantly if you try to get her heart rate. So, it took about 10 to 15 minutes to get a reading. Did our first cervical check, of course there was no dilation. Even with all the pressure and pains I've been having, nothing, absolutely nothing. I was however about 50% effaced. Our next appt. is tomorrow, maybe I will have made SOME progress. Wishful thinking, I'm sure.

Gizmo is sick. Not for sure what is wrong, but I think he may have pancreatitis again. He went to the vet yesterday because I found blood in his stool, which they "ruled out", but I know I saw blood. I even brought the stool sample with me, which they didn't look at, they took a sample themselves and found no blood, but that doesn't mean he didn't have it. Anyways, they basically said there was nothing wrong with him, other than his ear infection. However, now he isn't holding ANYTHING down. He is vomiting. He won't eat, but he did drink some water this morning, so that is good. I am sure he is probably dehydrated. I'm going to have hubby get him some rice. He should be in a bland diet for a couple of days. I hope he would eat it though. He just doesn't want to eat and if he does, he throws up. He throws up no matter what. They gave us some meds to harden his stool, but he just throws it right back up. He's not too lethargic, but I can tell he is a little weak and tired. So, hopefully they will see us tomorrow. I'm sure they will though. Hopefully it's just a small stomach bug. I feel bad for him and wish I could make him better.

Well, should get going. And congrats to morningglory on her new arrivals. your twins are just precious! I wish you nothing, but the best.

It's true

A friend of mine said you do a lot of soul searching whilst pregnant. How true that is. This whole pregnancy, I have done a lot of thinking, and it would be stupid to say, my mind hasn't stopped since I found out I was pregnant, obviously, because you are always thinking, but what I'm trying to get at is that I have just done so much thinking and soul searching, but at the same time, I still have a hard time believing I'm going to have a baby. It's so surreal to me. My miscarriages really turned me off to the thought of having children, and they really did take away the innocence of pregnancy away from me. I haven't truly been able to enjoy my pregnancy, because we've gone through so many miscarriages. While they were all early on, you never stop questioning things. It was really bad the first 23 to 24 weeks. I was terrrrrrified about losing out daughter or that their might be something genetically wrong with her or something. I would say, some of those are normally "mommy fears", but I drove myself crazy with these thoughts. So, even still, I ask myself are these rational or irrational thoughts? We've been through so many losses, I just cannot fully get myself to understand, okay you're having a baby, and soon.

I honestly believe I suffered and still possibly suffer from post traumatic stress disorder. I don't think some people realize, both those who have never experienced the loss of a child, and those who have, but don't recognize the symptoms of ptsd, just how bad it messes up a person. It really, REALLY messes you up. On top of that, try having doctors who didn't care about your losses, who continually let them happen, when all along you knew what the problem was, but they still insisted it was just due to 'bad luck'. Losing one is hard, losing 5... I'm not trying to measure pain, but when you go through that many losses, you die inside. I know that sounds awful, but it's true. You become so numb, so bitter, so angry, depressed.. no feeling is a good feeling. It's just a dark, lonely world to live in.

Of course I had the people who made the wrong comments you should just NEVER, EVER say to somebody who has lost a baby. Repeating them will do me no good though. While you may not understand when somebody loses a baby, try to empathize with them. The only thing that you should say to them is, " I'm sorry, I love you, and if you need me I'm always here." Don't try to justify why it happened, that is the wrong thing to say.

I had counseling, but we just weren't clicking. We were stationed in Germany when we had all of our miscarriages, and for some odd reason, they couldn't see me on base for counseling, so they sent me off base to a German counselor. She was a nice woman, but the language barrier was terrible. How am I supposed to relay to you how I feel, when you can't comprehend what I'm saying, vice versa? So, I stopped seeing her.

I don't want to leave the impression that I'm ungrateful I'm pregnant. That definitely is not the case, I'm only writing this because it's been on my mind lately. I am truly grateful I'm having my miracle baby. It has been a long, hard road, and I'm so happy to finally be this far. I am still scared something could happen, but I have been trying to live for today, to cherish each and every moment. I love my daughter and cannot wait to see her beautiful face.

Anyways, our 3rd wedding anniversary is this Sunday (Valentines Day). Tomorrow night we are taking my father in law to his sisters in Georgia, to stay for however long he wants to. We are going to stay one night and come back home after that. We don't really have much planned ( that I'm aware of). Unless he has something up his sleeve. I did actually go with the message in a bottle thing. It was nice, but the price was a bit much. I probably could have made it myself now that I think about it. He loved it though, and I'm glad he did. I love him so much.

I hope you all have a great rest of the week and a wonderful weekend.

33 weeks

So, here I am at 33 weeks. I'm tired, I'm cranky.. I feel as though at any moment I could probably deck the next person who looks at me wrong, or says the wrong thing. I won't even bother going into that because obviously I'm not entitled to feel how I feel. A lot of people have made me feel that way the last two days. Not my husband or anything, just people on Facebook.

Anyways, I'm 8 and half months pregnant. My sanity is truly in question lately. I am really ready for Nora to get here. I know she isn't ready yet, so I will just have to complain about it until then. Michael is ready too. He is getting so excited. Michael excited about things? Yes, it's true. Sure, he isn't jumping up and down, but the way he looks at me, and talks about her says it all. He is even referring to her as "Nora" now. We both had trouble at first, because for over 6 months we were calling her, her.

Nothing much to update on though. Had our two week check up on Monday. Doctor went over our birth plan, and had no complaints about it. So, good to go there. Anywho, I'm tired, so I'm going to lay down. Attached is my 33 weeks maternity picture.

Almost February

Wow, it's almost February. Michael and I will be celebrating our three year wedding anniversary. For those who don't know, my husband and I were married on Valentines Day. We were married in Germany, where we were stationed. I'm not sure what we plan on doing. I heard from a friend about this thing called messageinabottle.com Check it out. I'm thinking about going with that. It's cute, romantic, and unique. I don't know. I just want to go all out. This will be our last anniversary as a "couple". I want to do something very special. Last year we went to Berlin. I don't know if anything can top that lol. Especially if you saw where we stayed. I know whatever I do he will love it, and I know I will love whatever he does for me. On my birthday just the card he picked out and what he wrote made me cry. I believe it's the littlest things that count. I don't really care what we do, as long as we are doing it together.

I am 31 weeks as of last Friday. Time is flying. Still have so much to do and get. I have attached a video of Nora (yes, this is her name. Nora Taylor to be exact) moving around. Skip forward to about 1:08 mark.

Just updating

It's been nearly two weeks since my last update. I guess I could say it's been somewhat eventful. We are now being seen every two weeks. Our last appointment was on the the 4th. I had my glucose test, which I passed by the way. Then we saw the doctor, and just talked a bit. I told him I had been having braxton hicks contractions, on and off for the past 3 or so weeks. He said as long as I'm not getting more than 6 in an hour, then I should be fine. Well wouldn't you know, I ended up in labor and delivery that night for having way more than 6 in an hour, and they were actually regularly patterned. They went from 5 to 2 minutes a part. I tried walking, drinking more water ( even though I drink nearly 7 or more glasses a day) and I took a nice warm shower. The shower seemed to slow them down, but I was not taking any chances. We went ahead and went to L&D. I was hooked up to the monitors and they watched me for about an hour. Then the nurse came in and said I was having a few mild contractions and gave me a shot to stop them. Honestly, I wish she had told me more about this shot. I am pretty sure I know what it was ( now ) and it has not been approved by the FDA. I know she was only doing her job, but the only thing she told me would happen would be the my heart rate would go up, as would the babys. However, I found a ton of info on the shot that actually scares me. Next time they offer it ( god forbid ) I will not be taking it. There are just too many possible side effects. Anyways, while I was hooked up to the monitors, she got the hiccups. It was the funniest thing. At first I did not know what it was, and then it dawned on me; she was having the hiccups. I couldn't stop laughing. And it's a funny sound when you're laughing, while hooked up to a heart monitor. The nurse came in and gave me a weird look ( out of confusion ) and I told her the baby was having hiccups. I got real quiet so she could hear, and she's like " oh my gosh she is lol" Soo cute. Anyways, long story short, we are fine. It was an adventure.

Michael and I have decided on a name. I pray we don't change it, but I honestly like it, and he does too. He chose the first name.. well he came up with it I mean. Nora. I chose Lynn for a middle name. The original plan was to have her middle name be Lenora, after my great grandmother. However, it has been a struggle finding a name that not only flows well with Lenora, but isn't overly used. So it's still Lenora, just backwards lol.

I have not been getting much sleep. I will go to sleep for about 3 maybe 4 hours and wake up feeling as though I've slept the whole night, and then end up sleeping during the day. It's annoying. Not to mention I have developed severe restless leg syndrome. I also get it in my arms from time to time. It's awful, and sadly there is nothing I can do about it. So that too keeps me awake. Walking around is the only thing that helps, and that is awful when all you want to do is sleep. They say only 15-20% of pregnant women will develope RLS. Of course I fall into this 15-20% lol. Oh well.

Well, I should get going. My mind is racing and I'm pretty tired. Ciao!

Happy New Year 2010!

For some it isn't so pleasent. I hope those of you who are going through personal issues, are able to find solice so you can enjoy the year. I know some of you have been going through a lot. Be it illness or just rotten luck. I hope this year is better!

Michael and I had a relaxing night at home. I made cheese pretzels which were deeeeelish. He bought himself a bottle of sparkling wine, and I sipped on some welches sparkling white grape "wine", and we watched the ball drop. Also, I had no clue getting a kiss for new year was tradition, or good luck. Am I allowed to have one now? Does it still count?

Anyways, I don't really have a new years resolution. I prefer to just go with the flow. I can make goals any time of year. I'm excited, and nervous, about what the new year holds for me. This baby will definitely be the highlight lol. I was reminded I only have 12 more weeks.. that isn't much time. I am so nervous about becoming a first time mom. It's still just so.. surreal to me. Almost as if I cannot wake myself up to remind myself.. 'hello this is real, and it will become even more real in a few short weeks'. I think my biggest concern, actually it is, is that I won't be a good mother. Why am I thinking like that? I have wanted this for so long, and now I'm beyond terrified. It's a whole new ball game when you're the one that is expecting a baby.

If I hear one more person comment on how big I am, I'm going to drop kick them. I do not need to be reminded of my weight, thank you. It's rude. Please stop. No shit, I'm 7 months pregnant and only 5'1". I hate even going in public now, because people will purposely turn around to stare at me. I had some woman and her husband turn around and almost giggle at me. I asked them if they had a staring problem, but obviously it wasn't loud enough for them to hear me. The rude stares and the just staring me down in general really upset me. Yes, I'm pregnant. No, this is not a beer belly I'm sporting. It's one thing to look at me and smile, with a sincere smile, it's another to look at me like I'm a cow, or an unwed teenaged mother. This mainly happens in Walmart, and last time I checked their were funnier looking characters walking around that place. People with their teeth missing, people who are over 300 pounds wearing mini skirts, people not wearing shoes.. The list goes on and on. It's just plain annoying and rude. I'm starting to believe "southern hospitality" doesn't really exsist.

It's a new year, I shouldn't be complaining already. Though, if you know me, you know I don't do much without complaining. It gets me through my days.

I hope 2010 is a wonderful year for all of us. I hope it brings you everything you could possibly want and more. I guess if I had to pick a new years resolution; it would be to live life now, rather than worrying about the past and the future. That is really hard for me. Not unrealistic though.

Happy New Year!