Saturday, October 23, 2010

It's Easier Said Than Done

I know it's 7 months from now, but Michael is deploying next year and the thought of being alone, without him, basically being a single mom scares the crap out of me. Luckily, he will only be in Florida, but I kid you not, I've not once, in my life ever been alone. Now that I'm a mom, I have to do this on my own, and having a fear of driving is going to test me. I REALLY need to buckle down and just get in the car and go. I've driven several times, but freaked out part of the time. I can't seem to do it alone. 

I pray these 6 months show me how strong I am, rather than the other way around. I don't know why this anxiety of doing things on my own consumes me so much. I have to do this for my daughter though. If I can't gather the strength for myself, I HAVE to do it for her. She definitely makes me want to better myself. 

I will miss Michael for those 6 months, but maybe this is a blessing in disguise. Maybe this is my chance to "man up" if you will,  and just do this. If I can, I'd also like to start going to church. Just get in the car and go. I think if I can get this done, and prove to myself I can do it, my anxiety and fears would diminish greatly. I mean, if when it comes down to it, I have no option but to do it. 

I cannot go through life living in fear and feeling the dread of not being able to be on my own, or drive a car. I can sit here and say, " I can do this", but I know doing it is the hardest part, and I know there will be good days, and bad days, but I hope I come out of it with a sense of accomplishment. 

I will continue to gather my faith, praise Jesus, and do what I want to do with my life. He, my husband, and my daughter are my motivation.

No comments:

Post a Comment